I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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