I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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