Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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