We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Randomize
