If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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