You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I've blown a few things in my day
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize