Small penises have feelings too.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
