you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
