If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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