I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
