there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
