i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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