remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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