Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
