Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
i now understand why vodka
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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