the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
