one might say we're banned from that church
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
