I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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