Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize