The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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