Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
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