A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize