i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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