Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
