I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
