Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
