All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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