I wish my penis had an off switch
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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