Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
