tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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