sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize