she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
