apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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