why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize