In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
