just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
BRING THE BAGELS
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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