i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
