Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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