The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
