Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My pussy is not your playground.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
