Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
