Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
