Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Randomize
