Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
