Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
