I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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