the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
