I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
