he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Randomize
