She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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