Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
