in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
