im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
