GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
