wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
