I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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