Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
