literally had 100 drinks last night.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
