it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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