Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My bed smells like the plague
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
