so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
