There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
