You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
