I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Randomize
