my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I woke up under a house in Key West
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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