Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
