sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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