also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
