I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
