Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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