yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
