so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
