He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
